Boo!
Feeling really down nowadays, not in the mood to do anything, my life has become... aimless, useless somehow... I don't know what has happened to me, really... I am so stressful, I have so many stuff to do, I just cannot do anything in the end...
My assignments are coming up, one of them even have a dateline 3 weeks from now, yet I don't even have anything done yet! What am I doing, I wonder... My FYP is not progressing at all, I don't even know what I want to do myself... How am I going to excel in studies when everything just cannot be done properly and I keep wasting time every day, every week, every month... What's happening?!
My relationships with people became worst... Starting from family, to EdeNz... It's not something I can control at all... What have I done wrong really? Why people just cannot understand us? Is it wrong to be with someone you love? Why people don't want to change and don't want to understand others and simply judge and control what they can when it is not even right in the first place? We should have our own freedom right? It's not a 3-year-old kid problem anymore! Argh... It's really annoying, frustrating and stressful when you have problems that you cannot even control or do anything about it. Dealing with humans just sucks, right?
Blueserver might be facing the most serious and major problem by end of this month, if we do not have any financial support to continue hosting the server, that's it. Say goodbye to Blueserver, to gaming. Again, it's a problem that I want to help, but I cannot do anything at all, I felt I am so useless, facing problems that cannot be solved. My motivation has been decreasing since last year, it has reached a point where I don't even bother about the server anymore, really... I have not felt the same before in the past... I am surprised myself that I have such a feeling when I know the best what Blueserver needs the most now...
Since few weeks back, I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, till today, I have not found the answer... Should I quit the administrative team already? Is this the time to put down all the things and move on in life? I once told myself that I should clear up all my responsibility before letting things go, I personally felt that it is very irresponsible to leave things halfway just like that and let others suffer from my selfishness, I hold on to it, tried my best, gave all my time for it... I still failed, it is a very very bad situation... There is once I heard from somewhere that someone said that if you cannot do it, then let go, there are many people out there who can do better than you, giving excuses after excuses just won't help at all... Hey, I don't know anymore...
Totally lost.
^StarrY^
Feeling really down nowadays, not in the mood to do anything, my life has become... aimless, useless somehow... I don't know what has happened to me, really... I am so stressful, I have so many stuff to do, I just cannot do anything in the end...
My assignments are coming up, one of them even have a dateline 3 weeks from now, yet I don't even have anything done yet! What am I doing, I wonder... My FYP is not progressing at all, I don't even know what I want to do myself... How am I going to excel in studies when everything just cannot be done properly and I keep wasting time every day, every week, every month... What's happening?!
My relationships with people became worst... Starting from family, to EdeNz... It's not something I can control at all... What have I done wrong really? Why people just cannot understand us? Is it wrong to be with someone you love? Why people don't want to change and don't want to understand others and simply judge and control what they can when it is not even right in the first place? We should have our own freedom right? It's not a 3-year-old kid problem anymore! Argh... It's really annoying, frustrating and stressful when you have problems that you cannot even control or do anything about it. Dealing with humans just sucks, right?
Blueserver might be facing the most serious and major problem by end of this month, if we do not have any financial support to continue hosting the server, that's it. Say goodbye to Blueserver, to gaming. Again, it's a problem that I want to help, but I cannot do anything at all, I felt I am so useless, facing problems that cannot be solved. My motivation has been decreasing since last year, it has reached a point where I don't even bother about the server anymore, really... I have not felt the same before in the past... I am surprised myself that I have such a feeling when I know the best what Blueserver needs the most now...
Since few weeks back, I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, till today, I have not found the answer... Should I quit the administrative team already? Is this the time to put down all the things and move on in life? I once told myself that I should clear up all my responsibility before letting things go, I personally felt that it is very irresponsible to leave things halfway just like that and let others suffer from my selfishness, I hold on to it, tried my best, gave all my time for it... I still failed, it is a very very bad situation... There is once I heard from somewhere that someone said that if you cannot do it, then let go, there are many people out there who can do better than you, giving excuses after excuses just won't help at all... Hey, I don't know anymore...
Totally lost.
^StarrY^
Posts
3 Comments:
Blueserver facing financial crisis? Hmm I think I will get something to propose to mega soon.
Ya...
To Starry,
Stress is always present in everyone's life; it's just how people handle stress that makes all the difference. Having stress is normal, not having it is abnormal.
For stress to directly affect your life, then there must be something you need and can do. Start by tackling the easiest problem you know of, and gradually progress from there. It doesn't have to work out for the best (though it's better if it is so), as long as you put your effort into handling it. Build your courage to face it, and from there, let nature takes its course. If you do not even start to answer the first problem, sooner or later, you will be burdened by so much more that you cannot even breathe.
Relationship is something that I cannot advice you on, because it depends on your perspective of how people are treating you. Being in love is never wrong, but you must understand also that perhaps they are just being concerned for your well-being. They fear that you might regret certain things when you plunge on without realizing it. Of course, you are capable of rationalizing things out and would not do something unthinkable, so you need to let people see that you are capable of doing so. Freedom is what everyone wishes for, but they never realize that they trap themselves in cages they themselves make. To be free, you must first open the cage's door. Perhaps gradual introduction of your loved one would change their mind, and if he really does love you (I'm sure he does =)), he'll do everything in his power to unlock the cage you're in.
Blueserver's problem is somewhat contained, and you can basically not help much unless you solve your own problem(s) first. Once that's been done, you can begin your focus on this. It's better that way, rather than splitting your focus and confusing yourself in the end.
On responsibility, I cannot do much to help you. It depends on how much you value the responsibility given to you, and how much more you wish to pour your effort into it. If you think you've done all you can to help, and there's nothing else that you can do to improve, then by all means, rest. Understand that it is a voluntary work after all, and no one is going to blame you if you relinquish your responsibility. Many have already done so in the past, so why should you be troubled about doing it? It's a matter of personal principle that you need to answer yourself. Choose your path wisely, however, so that you don't live to regret your decision, even if it's one concerning a virtual life.
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