Boo!
Feeling really down nowadays, not in the mood to do anything, my life has become... aimless, useless somehow... I don't know what has happened to me, really... I am so stressful, I have so many stuff to do, I just cannot do anything in the end...
My assignments are coming up, one of them even have a dateline 3 weeks from now, yet I don't even have anything done yet! What am I doing, I wonder... My FYP is not progressing at all, I don't even know what I want to do myself... How am I going to excel in studies when everything just cannot be done properly and I keep wasting time every day, every week, every month... What's happening?!
My relationships with people became worst... Starting from family, to EdeNz... It's not something I can control at all... What have I done wrong really? Why people just cannot understand us? Is it wrong to be with someone you love? Why people don't want to change and don't want to understand others and simply judge and control what they can when it is not even right in the first place? We should have our own freedom right? It's not a 3-year-old kid problem anymore! Argh... It's really annoying, frustrating and stressful when you have problems that you cannot even control or do anything about it. Dealing with humans just sucks, right?
Blueserver might be facing the most serious and major problem by end of this month, if we do not have any financial support to continue hosting the server, that's it. Say goodbye to Blueserver, to gaming. Again, it's a problem that I want to help, but I cannot do anything at all, I felt I am so useless, facing problems that cannot be solved. My motivation has been decreasing since last year, it has reached a point where I don't even bother about the server anymore, really... I have not felt the same before in the past... I am surprised myself that I have such a feeling when I know the best what Blueserver needs the most now...
Since few weeks back, I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, till today, I have not found the answer... Should I quit the administrative team already? Is this the time to put down all the things and move on in life? I once told myself that I should clear up all my responsibility before letting things go, I personally felt that it is very irresponsible to leave things halfway just like that and let others suffer from my selfishness, I hold on to it, tried my best, gave all my time for it... I still failed, it is a very very bad situation... There is once I heard from somewhere that someone said that if you cannot do it, then let go, there are many people out there who can do better than you, giving excuses after excuses just won't help at all... Hey, I don't know anymore...
Totally lost.
^StarrY^
Feeling really down nowadays, not in the mood to do anything, my life has become... aimless, useless somehow... I don't know what has happened to me, really... I am so stressful, I have so many stuff to do, I just cannot do anything in the end...
My assignments are coming up, one of them even have a dateline 3 weeks from now, yet I don't even have anything done yet! What am I doing, I wonder... My FYP is not progressing at all, I don't even know what I want to do myself... How am I going to excel in studies when everything just cannot be done properly and I keep wasting time every day, every week, every month... What's happening?!
My relationships with people became worst... Starting from family, to EdeNz... It's not something I can control at all... What have I done wrong really? Why people just cannot understand us? Is it wrong to be with someone you love? Why people don't want to change and don't want to understand others and simply judge and control what they can when it is not even right in the first place? We should have our own freedom right? It's not a 3-year-old kid problem anymore! Argh... It's really annoying, frustrating and stressful when you have problems that you cannot even control or do anything about it. Dealing with humans just sucks, right?
Blueserver might be facing the most serious and major problem by end of this month, if we do not have any financial support to continue hosting the server, that's it. Say goodbye to Blueserver, to gaming. Again, it's a problem that I want to help, but I cannot do anything at all, I felt I am so useless, facing problems that cannot be solved. My motivation has been decreasing since last year, it has reached a point where I don't even bother about the server anymore, really... I have not felt the same before in the past... I am surprised myself that I have such a feeling when I know the best what Blueserver needs the most now...
Since few weeks back, I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, till today, I have not found the answer... Should I quit the administrative team already? Is this the time to put down all the things and move on in life? I once told myself that I should clear up all my responsibility before letting things go, I personally felt that it is very irresponsible to leave things halfway just like that and let others suffer from my selfishness, I hold on to it, tried my best, gave all my time for it... I still failed, it is a very very bad situation... There is once I heard from somewhere that someone said that if you cannot do it, then let go, there are many people out there who can do better than you, giving excuses after excuses just won't help at all... Hey, I don't know anymore...
Totally lost.
^StarrY^
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