Monday, January 15, 2007

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Problems, Stress... Lost.

Boo!

Feeling really down nowadays, not in the mood to do anything, my life has become... aimless, useless somehow... I don't know what has happened to me, really... I am so stressful, I have so many stuff to do, I just cannot do anything in the end...

My assignments are coming up, one of them even have a dateline 3 weeks from now, yet I don't even have anything done yet! What am I doing, I wonder... My FYP is not progressing at all, I don't even know what I want to do myself... How am I going to excel in studies when everything just cannot be done properly and I keep wasting time every day, every week, every month... What's happening?!

My relationships with people became worst... Starting from family, to EdeNz... It's not something I can control at all... What have I done wrong really? Why people just cannot understand us? Is it wrong to be with someone you love? Why people don't want to change and don't want to understand others and simply judge and control what they can when it is not even right in the first place? We should have our own freedom right? It's not a 3-year-old kid problem anymore! Argh... It's really annoying, frustrating and stressful when you have problems that you cannot even control or do anything about it. Dealing with humans just sucks, right?

Blueserver might be facing the most serious and major problem by end of this month, if we do not have any financial support to continue hosting the server, that's it. Say goodbye to Blueserver, to gaming. Again, it's a problem that I want to help, but I cannot do anything at all, I felt I am so useless, facing problems that cannot be solved. My motivation has been decreasing since last year, it has reached a point where I don't even bother about the server anymore, really... I have not felt the same before in the past... I am surprised myself that I have such a feeling when I know the best what Blueserver needs the most now...

Since few weeks back, I keep asking myself the same question over and over again, till today, I have not found the answer... Should I quit the administrative team already? Is this the time to put down all the things and move on in life? I once told myself that I should clear up all my responsibility before letting things go, I personally felt that it is very irresponsible to leave things halfway just like that and let others suffer from my selfishness, I hold on to it, tried my best, gave all my time for it... I still failed, it is a very very bad situation... There is once I heard from somewhere that someone said that if you cannot do it, then let go, there are many people out there who can do better than you, giving excuses after excuses just won't help at all... Hey, I don't know anymore...

Totally lost.

^StarrY^

Thursday, January 04, 2007

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Welcome to 2007!

Boo!

Hello, first post of 2007.

How was your New Year celebration? I hope it was great. For me, I did not do anything much, kind of emo on 31 December, so I stayed at home... Went out to eat around 11 something and finally saw fireworks at mamak, haha... Well, at least I am with my darling that moment...

Hmm, when a new year comes, people always like to do a self-evaluation. So, what have I done in 2006? I don't really remember so much anymore, not like I did something very big that is worth to be remembered, I guess... Hahaha... Oh well, I still maintained my grades at least, I am glad I did, it was kind of lucky. XD

So, what to aim in 2007? This year, I am going to graduate with a degree, hopefully a first class. =) So, working time? I don't think I am ready for it, really... I still want to enjoy life a bit more... I wish I know how to turn back the time, there are so many things I want to do and try... I don't really want to step into the working world yet... XD Hmm... I don't know what will happen, just hope it will be a good year ahead. =)

I kind of bought myself a pretty good new year present on the New Year day, hehe... a Death Note! Haha, for those of you who don't really watch anime, you might not know anything about this, but to Death Note fans, here it is! The really death note, except it won't kill people lol.

The Death Note, looks exactly the same?

It comes with a pen!

A whole set of rules and guide on how to use the Death Note!

Are you ready to have your name on my Death Note? XD

Hehe, get yourslef one today, if you are interested, it is really cool, I am planning to bring to college and use it as a notebook, haha...

I guess that's all for this post, soon to update more, hopefully happy posts! XD Happy New Year!!!

^StarrY^
 

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